Watching Demonic Toys made me think about this. By all means it should suck. The budget, the single location, and the warmed over concept should be a recipe for garbage. Somehow it avoids this fate and manages to be totally watchable. The reason for that is competence and earnestness in the face of absurdity.
Compare what studios like Full Moon and Troma put out now as opposed to decades ago. Toxic Avenger and Pupper Master might be dumb goofy movies, but they felt like movies. These days neither company can bother to give a fuck, being perfectly fine with the tiny niche audiences who still bother to show up.
Anyway, fucking Demonic Toys. The big selling point is that it was written by David Goyer. Goyer has been involved in comic book movies for years now, starting with the Blade series and ending with his fingerprints all over the DC Comics properties. It's sort of like James Gunn coming out of Troma to helm the very popular Guardians of the Galaxy, with the exception that no one likes the DC universe.
After an opening credit sequence worthy of the finest TV movie, we focus on two cops--a man and a woman--shooting the shit until the woman admits to being pregnant courtesy of her partner. Pregnancy is always this huge dramatic storytelling device, but really it isn't that big a deal. Look at how many people have kids. Now try to give a shit.
A negotiation with arms dealers go wrong, so now Judith (Tracy Scoggins) must chase down the criminals while briefly mourning the loss of her unborn child's father. One of the bad guys dies in a spotlight that highlights magical cracks in the floor. His blood flows into the cracks and brings a select group of toys to life. It's a stupid explanation, but this is a stupid movie.
Judith isn't the only person trapped in the Arcadia toy warehouse. There's the sloppy guard on duty, plus the delivery guy for a fast food chicken joint who sniffs the pages of a Miss July centerfold with carnal pleasure. This is a real bonding moment with the boorish night watchman. Because a toy factory needs to be heavily guarded.
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| Nobody could do harmonies like Chet and his tiny clown |
The toys consist of a toothy bear, creepy doll (complete with sassy catchphrases), snake-bodied clown, and a robot. The guard is overtaken by these tiny terrors, mainly because he does nothing in self-defense. Horror movies usually require a pretty hefty suspension of belief, and that's even more so with small doll monsters. Someone always makes a comment along the lines of "Why don't they just kick it?" There's a spot where the fast food guy effortlessly swats the robot over and gives those very critics the moment they've all desperately been waiting for.
The explanation for the plot (because there really needed to be an explanation) is about a woman who gives birth to a stillborn demon. This dead demon is then given to trick or treaters with the explicit directions of having to bury it so it can grow some day. The dead baby is a boy from Judith's dreams who needs to have sex with her so that he can have a new body. Look, I was just here for the evil dolls.
When Judith is in danger of being penetrated by this man-boy he goes into full Bond villain mode. His endless talking is exactly what a stop-animated wooden soldier needs to foil his plans, converting itself into another of Judith's not-very-legal dream boys, only this one is a good guy. The two of them were fighting for her soul, you have to understand. It's pretty much like Lost, only this movie about magical cracks in a warehouse floor that brings toys to life when blood spills into it somehow MAKES MORE SENSE.
