Trailers for Scumbags.

Salo might be a movie about rape and poop eating, but it's an artistic movie about rape and poop eating.

Goddamn, people used to hate nerds.

Imagine the crushing disappointment when I found out Slaughter High wasn’t about a classroom of urban youth who learn the value of education through the tough, but fair teachings of Sgt. Slaughter. No, instead it is a slasher flick where Marty majors in cutting classmates and the student body is going to pieces.

Marty is the school geek who receives the full Toxic Avenger treatment when an attractive “girl” pretends like she’s going to bang his virgin brains out. I put girl in quotes because the female in question is played by Caroline Munro, who was 36 at the time. Looking her up I also discovered that I own three movies she stars in: Starcrash, Maniac, and The Spy Who Loved Me. Who knew I was such a slobbering Caroline Munro FANATIC?

But Marty doesn’t just get the Toxic Avenger treatment, he gets the deluxe package. After stripping down naked in the girls shower awaiting his prize (containing one of my favorite scenes where Marty alters graffiti that says “Marty Rantzen sucks!” by changing the S to an F. That’s right buddy, you show them who’s boss) the curtain is pulled back, exposing his naked body to what looks like an entire video production crew who spray him with foam. As if that wouldn’t be enough, they electrocute the towel rack so he gets a shock to the system trying to cover up. Still not satisfied with this dusplay of sadism, they drag Marty's soaking wet buns across the bathroom floor so two guys can grip his quivering nude body upside down and dunk his head into the toilet. Watching grown men hold tightly onto him with their hands uncomfortably close to his nether regions makes for the one true moment of homo eroticism Slaughter High can muster.

In case embarrassing poor Marty in such fashion wasn’t enough, the jerks then give him a joint with a firecracker inside pretending to make up. And in case that wasn’t enough, they mix shit into chemicals he’s working with that create a fire, causing Nitric Acid to fall on his face. I bet Marty felt humiliated.

Ten years later and the jerks who almost killed a human being in the name of pranking get high school reunion letters. When they arrive to their old stomping grounds the place is closed down and dilapidated. Time to head home, right? How about waiting outside all day before breaking in because there’s DEFINITELY a reunion.

Harry Manfredini made the music and he puts a little wink to his more famous work on Friday the 13th by throwing in a quick “ki ki ki ma ma ma” when a guy scares the girls by popping out with a goalie mask on (thankfully, the meathead throws Jason’s name out there in case anyone is a giant fucking idiot and doesn’t pick up the reference). During the first half of the movie his soundtrack is goofy and playful. Once the killing starts he pretty much copies and pastes the Friday the 13th soundtrack.

The Ground Round tried a grittier approach to childrens parties

The murders begin when a dude's intestines erupt out of his stomach after shotgunning a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Yeah, that sounds about right. The woman who gets splattered with his blood decides to go take a bath...a bath in a decrepit school that’s been closed for years. When burning chemicals start coming out of the faucet she quickly jumps out and evades danger. Just kidding, she sits in the tub screaming for her life as she burns to death. There is absolutely nothing stopping her from stepping out of the tub. At that point you deserve to die.

Slaughter High is a pretty standard Slasher-Horror from the 80’s, but it's dopey enough to be entertaining throughout. It was originally going to be called “April Fool’s Day” but had to change the name when it was used by another Horror movie. The guy who played Marty committed suicide right after it came out. April Fool’s!

No really, he totally killed himself.