Monday, April 8, 2013

Charles Band has a tiny monster fetish

Most Horror movies are shit. I can guarantee you that Horror fans have watched more awful movies than the average film goer. So why do we watch them? Part of it is the thrill of discovering the diamond in the rough. Another part is the fun of schlock that turns out to be enjoyably bad. Or maybe we're just masochists.

Ooga Booga is a Blaxploitation/Horror about a doll avenging his own murder. The cover says "Beyond Django..." for the sole purpose of making people go, "Hey I liked Django Unchained. What could this be about?" Which totally works because it made my wife curious about it at a Redbox. It begins with a children's program hosted by a guy named Hambo (Chance A. Reardon) who is a middle-aged drunk that masturbates in his dressing room. After being fired, his young intelligent black friend comes by to help out and is introduced to Hambo's collection of racist dolls that he plans on selling. This includes "The Gook," a figurine of an Asian with buck teeth and a camera.

The first twenty minutes or so is dedicated to Hambo before he disappears from the rest of the film. Meaning that Hambo was nothing more than a really convoluted way to introduce the Ooga Booga doll. After Devin (Wade Forrest Wilson) leaves he stops at a convenient store that a couple white criminals rob. A racist cop (all the villains are racist white guys) comes onto the scene, immediately blaming Devin and shooting him. This causes a malfunctioning slurpy machine to place Devin's life force into the doll.

The second act features the racist cop bullshitting with Karen Black and the dumb white criminals from earlier. During this scene top heavy pornstar Siri is gyrating in the background wearing a thong. Not that it matters since they never really show a good angle of her anyway.


Ooga Booga eventually convinces his woman Donna (Ciarra Carter) of who he is and together they seek vengeance. This includes the unconventional plan of Donna allowing herself to be gang raped by the criminals in order to steal their keys, and Ooga Booga jerking off while watching her soap-up in the shower afterwards. Sexy.

The whole thing is very self-aware of how politically incorrect it is. Full Moon Video are even planning to sell replicas of Hambo's dolls (I recommend buying The Gook and placing it in your office cubicle). I could applaud the effort of being racially conscious trash, but Ooga Booga is too mediocre to worth bothering.